Sunday, June 9, 2013
31 Nights, 31 Days
It doesn't seem real, that a whole month has passed since that early morning you came squirming into this huge, wide world. Looking up at me with those big, bright eyes like you'd known me for a lifetime. Falling asleep in my arms, smiling in your deepest sleep, so content with the life you'd been given from the start.
It doesn't seem possible that I've slept by your side for 31 nights. That I've woken each night to comfort you. To fill your belly and change your diapers. To snuggle you back to sleep. That I've stayed awake every morning at 5:00am just to stare at your beautiful face, because that's when you like to open your eyes for the first time each day. No, 31 nights seems far more than what I've been given. I feel like I've only had the chance to glimpse at you. I've only held you for a moment.
But then again, it doesn't seem possible that 31 days ago you were still inside me. That I had never seen your face or held you in my arms. That this fierce love was absent from my heart. That you were absent from my life. It doesn't seem possible that there was a world without you only 31 days ago. Have I really only felt this love for that long?
Yes, a whole month has gone by. Regardless of what I feel, about time and space and love and you, 31 nights and 31 days have passed.
And though I feel it has gone by far too fast, I know I have savored every moment of it. I have held you close to my heart for long, lazy hours. I have stared at you in the gray hours of the morning. I have hummed lullabies and rocked you long after you'd closed your eyes.
I have loved you deeply for 31 nights and 31 days, and I will for countless more.